Be Still My Beating Heart

Carpets.

Carpets are something I never really paid much mind. Except for the occasional replacement and shaking, they bore little consequence in my day to day life. Carpets were, to me anyway, decidedly mundane.

I suppose it is a mixed blessing, that I now had something to occupy my focus. As it happens, carpeting is far more interesting with your face pressed against it. Even more so, when it's fibers are resting but a few millimeters away from an eye you can't work shut.

I guess it was inevitable, that my key would eventually wind down, and I would find myself sprawled there, helplessly contemplating my fate.

The initial response to the key is to fight it.   It does not take long to realize however, that it is not something that strength will overcome. The more energy you use, the quicker you deplete. The more you struggle, the faster you find yourself facing the truth of it. I was a doll, and if I did not seek winding, I would remain there, lifeless.

It's amazing what you can learn when you only have a floor as a companion.

As I drifted there, in and out of consciousness, I came to realize some things. For the vast majority of my existence, I have always felt like I was inconveniencing people. I have an incredibly strong aversion to interrupting anyone, or wasting a person's time. Often, I avoid interacting with people simply because I do not want to be a bother.

I did not realize how strongly I felt this way until Sethra was not around to wind me. I laid there for some time, fighting the urge to ask a Sister for help.  I was sure they had better things to do than bother with me.

I did not expect the key to compound my loneliness in such a way. Thankfully, it was only momentary.

I came to realize that my Sisters were probably more than happy to help. It was unfair of me to think I'd be a bother, and acting as such, would probably lead them to think they were bothering me when they needed assistance.

Turn about is indeed fair play.

Thank you My Sisters, for teaching me something I should have learned long ago.